Review: Gladiator II

Disclaimer: Due to international law, I am required to give this movie at least 1 1/2 stars because of Pedro Pascal. Sorry, I do not make the rules on that. However, if you like grey and dark brown, then this movie is for you. I cannot recommend it for any other reason. It is utterly pointless, like a TV movie remake of the original with Generic Action Hero #12 in the role Russel Crowe succeeded in. I get it. The original made a lot of money and won many awards. Even Ridley Scott’s recent, awful, Alien movies (Prometheus and Covenant) were better.

In this paint-by-numbers “sequel” of Gladiator from 2000, we meet the son of Maximus (Russel Crowe) named Lucius (played by Paul Mescal from Foe and All of Us Strangers), who is a barbarian whose city is invaded by the Roman empire. At the head of the attack is General Acacius (played by Pedro Pascal, your internet Daddy and mine), who takes the city and captures Lucius. Lucius is then thrust into the terrifying tyranny of Rome (which could sub for a future United States in a pinch) with its twin emperors and scheming Macrinus (played by Denzel Washinton) 

That all sounds a whole lot more exciting than the movie is. It seems procedural and duty-bound because the studio thought they could milk a few more dollars from the original’s corpse. Yet, there is a reason the original did well: better visuals, a better story, and Russell Crowe. I was not familiar with Paul Mescal, and one can only do so much with a script like this, but good hell, he is dull as paint.

They indeed went for a look. Like someone smeared dust constantly over the lens, it’s lifeless. Perhaps this was done to show the degradation of what Rome had become, but it was uninspiring to look at for two and a half hours. 

Another problem, a lot of people talk, and move around have a few lines of character to them and that’s it. I appreciated Pedro Pascal’s characters deep conlifction of his actions. Denzel Washingon was over the top and Joseph Quinn (from Starnger Things) was a delightful surprise. 

Yet, in the end. There are no stakes. Nothing is in doubt. It’s going to end just how you think it will. Who you think are going to die will die. 

Go watch the original. It is superior in every possible aspect. Well aside from Pedro Pascal that is.