Internet Janitor
What in the absolute hell was that? I’ve read a breakdown of the plot for the film I just watched, and I still don’t understand whatever nonsense they were going for. The trailer made this look like it was going to be very interesting, and there was a great deal of hype surrounding it. Instead its a stupid person attempt to be clever, then forgetting ten pages of the script to make it make sense.
Here, we meet Gretchen, an insolent and completely unlikable brat who moves to Germany with her father, stepmother and adopted sister. Who are they? It does not matter. The movie does not care enough to give them personalities. They plan to stay at a resort in a giant mansion just given to them by the owner Herr König (played by Dan Stevens from Abigal and the TV series Legion) for vague reasons that also don’t matter. Soon enough, this Twin Peaks-inspired little town begins to haunt Gretchen, who is attacked by a crazy old lady or whatever.
This movie is stupid. It wants to be clever, but it’s not. Somehow, this resort owner has the entire community under his thumb, including the police and even the entire hospital. Why? Because of his important work. I’m not going to spoil what it is, and even if I did, you would think that I’m full of shit. No one would make a movie based on that.
Well, did they explain anything? What did he hope to get out of all this money and hard work? No. Did they explain why the entire community is care free about committing murder and more? No. I don’t need a movie spelled out in great detail but I get the feeling that what was lacking here was because they didn’t know either.
I usually love Dan Stevens, and he’s been on a roll in spooky movies, but here he’s way, way over the top. Again, Twin Peaks over the top… He’s so clearly cartoonishly evil to the point you think he’ll end up twirling on his mustache at any point. He never seems like a real person.
Then there’s Gretchen, who, I get it, her father pulled her away from her mother and took her across the world to a foreign country. But she’s just so damn depressing, bitchy, rude and with the limiting personality she has, she just plainly sucks. She is supposed to be our guide, but I wanted her killed off 30 seconds into meeting her.
There are a few well-shot scenes, particularly when she’s running on the bike with the shadow behind her. I get the feeling they came up with this “idea” and then tried to build a movie around it.
I simply cannot recommend this movie.