Internet Janitor
This is what your Mom means when she says, “You don’t need to go see that slasher movie. We have one at home!” This is TEMU Scream. When Wes Craven made Scream, which at its heart is a satire, he knew enough to wrap it in a finely executed Slasher film. He understood that if all your characters are unlikeable, uncharismatic jerks or just plain TikTok stupid, then you have a problem.
In Heart Eyes, we meet Adeline (played by shes wishes she was Neve Campbell), who works for a villainous caricature (played by Dollarama Julia Louis-Dreyfus), who, due to a killer named Heart Eyes, killing people for years on Valentine’s Day has ruined Adelines campaign. Yet, the boss hires Patrick (played by date rape jock/businessman #293), who is there for a day to save it. Can their love bloom like a mushroom cloud while a serial killer is on the loose?
I get it. I’m being too harsh on a movie that does in no way take itself seriously. Everyone, and I mean everyone, in the movie is an idiot, and in not a single scene do they act the way anyone on Earth would act. One of our heroes, Patrick, is clearly stated to be an elite consultant who is only there for the day to save the company, yet in no way seems to be at all interested in doing actual work.
Yes, the mask is interesting. Yes, parts of the scene at the Drive-In is on the fun side and the odd joke lands. I thought I had more there, but that is really it.
This is what you get when you have people who think they are clever and are anything but. When you take NOTHING seriously in a movie like this it all just becomes a bad joke. They don’t even bother to give the killer a reason to be doing this. Now, in a slasher, the reasons don’t always make a lick of sense, but they have them. If you think at all, about anything these people do it all falls apart. You don’t care because you can’t.
Have the people who wrote this ever actually meet a real person? Did everyone in their lives always just humour them when they asked if they were funny or not?
I really wanted to give this a chance as horror is making a serious come back in recent years. Yet it’s crap like this which buried it the last time.